Producing less estrogen in menopause means sexual arousal can be difficult and lower the libido. It can cause the vaginal canal to be dry and less elastic, making it difficult to achieve orgasms. Low estrogen can thin hair and cause women to gain weight around their abdomens—it’s understandable that desire may wane. 

Too often, these changes are viewed more as stigma than medical events. In fact, partners can encourage women to seek medical guidance and medications can relieve some of these symptoms. 
It’s also to understand what drives desire, consisting of drive (thoughts, fantasies, genital sensitivity), personal attitudes (acceptance, religious beliefs) toward sex and motivation. This information may not be alluring, but an awareness of biological functions and desire is, and it can help build a satisfying sex life in menopause. 

 “Generally speaking,” the North American Menopause Society says, “a caring relationship is often required for most women to experience desire.”

Menopause doesn’t make women “crazy” — though 22 percent of men in one study said they’d point out “moodiness and irrational behavior” to explain menopause to another man. In fact, menopause doesn’t cause mental illness. But fluctuating hormones in menopause do have an understood, predictable impact on women’s emotional health. 

Serotonin — 95% of which is produced in the intestine — is a hormone responsible for mood, digestion, nausea, wound healing, bone health, blood clotting and sexual desire. Serotonin levels are lower during menopause, which can contribute to anxiety, depression and importantly, sleep. 

Consistent sleep is a foundation for good health, so anyone deprived of it might feel, or seem, “crazy.” In menopause, poor sleep is common, as is sleep apnea. Hot flashes and brain activity can interfere with falling asleep, staying asleep, and sleeping enough. Women in menopause are at greater risk for sleep apnea and many sleep worse in summer than winter. Partners can support women in menopause by viewing this as a biological fact, encouraging them to speak with medical professionals, and creating a soothing sleep environment and consistent sleep routine.

Women also may be seeing their families change as children head to college or move toward more independent lives around the time menopause begins. They may be juggling care for elderly parents. Or both. 

These factors can feel overwhelming, sometimes isolating. Partners can offer support, like listening and removing “to-dos” to ease the strain. They can spearhead support from loved ones and medical professionals to help women in menopause feel heard and understood.

Your partner is more than her menopause. Women experience menopause differently. Some manage symptoms on their own while others seek medical guidance or have no symptoms. There is a range — all of it normal. No one wants to be seen or treated as a bundle of symptoms or complaints, nor weak for being vocal about difficult symptoms.

We can flip the script on menopause by using it as an opportunity to learn about managing and addressing health and wellbeing, looking at it as an ideal time in a woman’s life to focus on prevention strategies that optimize quality of life and work toward healthy longevity. 

Men, you can help.

Learn more about the factual, biological basis of menopause. Ask the women in your life how they care for themselves or what they might need to navigate a problem or doctor’s appointment. There’s power in dismissing societal misunderstandings and rejecting stereotypes about “women of a certain age,” while accepting the impact menopause can have on a woman’s ability to work and potential to earn.

It brings a new, meaningful dimension to understanding when men have a deeper knowledge of women’s biological experiences. Both women — and men — are better for it.